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Home » Archives » May 2009
I hate Ks
May 28, 2009It’s funny how i jolt whenever i see names which start with K especially if it goes with a T and an H. Forgive me for saying this, but all my life, those names had been my thorns, the tiny specks which i am allergic to and yeah, hurt me . Recently, another KTH went over the board and i had to discover it for myself. When i heard about her, only a thug in my heart was the one thing i felt. It was annoying, painful and disgusting.
And so, i haunted this K only to find out she was just so-so. Simple but definitely NOT beautiful. Others will agree with me I know. Ha ha ha! I know i have the edge over those Ks but I’d like to voice out that whenever i see them, whenever i hear about them, i can’t help but think about how they came into my life. I wonder why of all people, i was chosen to be their victim. That of all the people they can lure and perhaps love (?), they chose to pick what’s mine. Too bad they failed. And it will forever stay that way.
I do not know why am i wasting my precious time blogging about the Ks. I hate them. And if only i can curse, i would. But i am not that kind of person, that’s why i’d choose to endure all of these until the trumpets sound and we settle down.
God is enough. HE is TOO much!
May 27, 2009When you feel like you are all alone and exhaustion sinks in and overwhelms you, FIGHT. When you feel like shitty and so goey, when you feel like going by the board without your consent, FIGHT. But when you feel things around you started to change and you can no longer see yourself as the person you used to know, and when you started to eat all the words and curses you have uttered, BE STILL. You are not that problematic, you are just in dire need of EXTRA GRACE. That’s why you have to PRAY.
This summer has been the craziest season of my life. I had a checklist which as far as i know, has no marks yet. T_T. But if i could redo that checklist, ALL of it would change. To make it more exciting, I’d say I’ve been in the GOSSIP GIRL world this summer. Parties, friends , problems. I’ve been mulling over things, taking chances and crossing roads which i thought i would not encounter. Not at this point. Not that early.
I saw this character weeks ago which drove me insane. It was like a nightmare escaping from my subconscious mind. He was a ghost of the past resurrected. The effect? It was like drugs. Addiction. Confusion. Depression. I’ve been trying to see my doctor but he is nowhere to be found. I consulted a friend and what did i get? An eerie laughter. Maybe it wasn’t really my time to get comforted. It was not the time for me to get scared or to run away or to leave all these behind. I knew it was more of a fight that’s why i had to brace myself and endure the pain of fighting. I’ve struggled so much only to find out things had already gone complex. More complex than i had expected. And so the last resort was to give in, to give up the fight, to lose.
And so it happened. It was all back. It was like history repeating itself only that i am not certain how things would turn out this time. I felt betrayed by myself. I was fighting hard for years just to escape from the past and yet there i was enjoying every moment of it. I was not sure then if it was the right decision but it felt right. It felt good though confusing. I spread the news and i got numerous reactions coming from different people and then it felt bad. It sucks hearing a family insult you but i knew it was okay. It’s done and i can’t get it back. I was depressed , wetting my pillows at night and hurting myself in every emotional way i know.
But then just when i needed it the most, GOD’s love poured on me and made me realize the consequences of all my actions. I called upon HIM and he listened intently. Hushing like child, i felt better. I let go of the dilemma and offered the situation in a moment and it felt good. I shared the word for an hour with the closest people i was with and boom! at an instant i knew all the answers to my questions. It was so intense, the feeling was so overwhelming seeing yourself back to the arms of the father. It was a great relief knowing that things will never get wrong with HIM. I saw myself standing by my decisions but it felt really right that time, no hesitations, no buts, no regrets. Then it came to me that the solution to every problem is GOD. No matter how simple or complicated a situation maybe, all you have to do is to put GOD at the center of it and no matter how wrong you might think it was, HE will calm your heart and redirect things towards His plans.
GOD is enough i say, He is too much! I can’t imagine life without Him . We may have played Blair and Chuck this summer but it doesn’t matter now. I know all we have to do now is to put GOD at the center of whatever we have and everything will be alright. Keep praying i say, it really changes things. Oh and by the way, I played Chuck and not Blair this summer. But it was all over. You know you like me. xoxo
UP ako, ikaw?
May 20, 2009
There are only TWO universities in the Philippines, UP and others.
That was the very first thing i learned from the upperclassmen when it comes to ‘exercising’ your bragging rights. It was funny then and in general it was haughty. But as years passed and i have fully adapted to the UP culture, i now see this line as a fact and no longer a joke. In the first place, if every high school student had only taken the UPCAT and PASSED, then he will surely choose to belong in this premier university. UP is UP as they say but I would like to butt in that UP is more than a university, it is more than a huge and diverse academic community. It is a different world, a microcosm of the Filipino society. It is more of a tangible illustration of the non-existent ideals. UP is so complex that you will surely believe that it can exist on its own.
Why am i saying all these? Well maybe as a daughter of the university it is a reflex for me to feel for the university. “Makabayan ang iskolar ng bayan “,the students chant during rallies but i’d rather join the pep squad in shouting “matatapang, matatalino, walang takot kahit kanino”. This is the reason why a simple step on my head can stimulate an aggressive reasoning. Vainglorious warfreak you might call me but i really do not want others insulting my university especially those who do not know how to survive when thrown inside our territory.
I was never judgmental and i have never insulted other universities before. I can say i was really that humble that i do not want others to know where i take my classes. I am mature enough to handle those kinds of situations but this i wouldn’t miss. It’s alright for me to sound crap while writing this post because in the first place, i am not in the right sense of being while doing this. All i can feel right now is annoyance. I can always brag about my university i always tell myself but i choose not to. Why? because i know nothing can compare to UP so why bother to brag about it.
bottomline is, we may not join every single competition that exists in this whole wide world; we may not win all the sports competitions; we may not be sounding the trumpets when it comes to journalism but who cares? we are not lagging behind in the first place. UPs hundred years of academic excellence is enough to keep their mouths shut. Maybe i am too agitated, pardon me, but UP is my life,my book and i don’t want others spitting on it.
‘LOVE’ in Baguio
May 12, 2009Nothing beats a spontaneous trip to baguio city during the hot days of summer. And Having a long night of cool music, heavy laugh trip and delectable appetizers coupled with ice cold mudslide and tequila sunrise doesn’t sound bad either.
Honestly, i do not know why this post was entitled that way. All i know is that i met someone (well technically. we didn’t speak that ‘much’) which made me realize i LOVE him.
….(to be continued)
erase, erase, erase. things changed to my surprise.
Baguio is never dull and I am never ignorant. Who would think that my second trip to the summer capital would be strange… crazy… wild and unbelievable.
I am running out of words. I do not know how to describe this feeling. emotions are all mixed up and i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
To confess, the original post should be thrilling .. i failed to finish it because you can never tell two different opposing stories which happened at the same place.
Bottom line is, i love Baguio, it makes me dumb.